Friday, September 28, 2012

Kevin James Throws It Down in Delray Beach

BUYER: Kevin James
LOCATION: Delray Beach, FL
PRICE: $18,500,000
SIZE: 26,509, 8 bedrooms, 9 full and 3 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to a brief note from The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial—and a previously overlooked report by the intrepid peeps at the Palm Beach Post way back in mid-August (2012)—Your Mama has learned that Emmy- and Razzie-nominated stand-up comedian, sitcom success and low-brow comedy movie superstar Kevin James shoveled out some serious, unambiguously Tinseltown-A-lister type of loot for a humongous house in the somewhat unexpected and out-of-the-way Delray Beach, FL.

In late August (2012) Mister James and his part-time-actress wife and baby momma Steffiana De La Cruz shelled out $18,500,000 to purchase an honest-to-goodness, ding-dang celebrity-style doozy of a (sort-of) oceanfront residential compound in Delray Beach that sprawls across two lots that total 1.85 acres. The Palm Beach County Tax Man shows the main mansion has 12,808 square feet, as does listing information easily conjured out of the interweb. Listing information we peeped also states—it should be noted—the actual living spaces encompassed by the entire "Mediterranean Revival estate" spans a far more substantial, real estate baller-sized 26,509 square feet with a total of 8 bedrooms and 9 full and 3 half bathrooms.

Does it seem surprising or odd to any of the children that Mister James—a man whose professional shtick is pretty much summed up by portraying stupid but lovable middle class straight guys—can afford to acquire and maintain an estate of this magnitude? For chrissakes, the 2011 taxes alone, even after an 11.3% reduction, came to a nauseating $240,492, according to public records. Believe it or not, booter beans, that's a hefty and even prohibitive annual tax nut for a just-regular-rich person, especially since the taxes don't cover the—likely to be exorbitant—costs associated with property insurance, staffing and security, landscaping upkeep and swimming pool maintenance. The utility bills—we can only to imagine—could probably choke a middle class Clydesdale and quickly drive a run-of-the-mill millionaire to the poorhouse.

Luckily for Mister James, he's not just a run-of-the-mill millionaire. See children, for his Showbiz efforts and talents he is extraordinarily well compensated and, more importantly to his future working opportunities, Mister James pretty much mints money for movie studios. In 2007 it was reported his salary for the final years of the now heavily syndicated sitcom King of Queens was upwards of $400,000 per episode, and possibly as much as $500,000 per episode for the final season. That's a lot of damn chicken scratch, you know. Rudimentary calculations on our bejeweled abacus indicate the professionally charmed Mister James very well may have hauled in over four million clams just for the abbreviated 9-episode final season. And that's not counting the piles and miles of greenbacks, one imagines, he earns in residuals. Not bad work if you can get it, right?

Since King of Queens went dark in 2007 Mister James has steadily built his professional reputation as a comedic movie star who can deliver prodigious profits with a handful of starring roles in sophomoric, fart-humor movies like I Now Pronounce Your Chuck & Larry, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Grown Ups and Zookeeper. Your Mama freely confesses that we've never seen any of these movies so we can't and won't speak to their quality as cinematic entertainment but we can tell the children that hordes and swarms of people paid good money to see them. Just those four movies, according to Box Office Mojo, have a total of $810,648,293 in worldwide box office receipts. The residuals from non-theater revenues must also, one imagines, boggle the brain.

Now it makes perfect sense that Mister and Missus James can afford a Wall Street fat cat-priced residence, right?

The nearly two acre lot isn't directly on the beach but sits across the street. The location allows for plenty of direct and oblique ocean vistas from the house, for sure, but, unless there's a a tunnel we don't know about, actually getting to the beach requires a mad dash across a probably not usually very busy two-lane road and a trek across a short stretch of rolling dunes.

The cavernous formal living room, with massive fireplace, lighted built-in display niches and soaring beamed ceiling, has three, exceptionally tall arched French doors that open out to an ocean side loggia. The baronial formal dining room has yet another massive stone fireplace as well as a series of arched French doors separated by tall, Macedonian stone Doric columns.

Other spacious and luxurious entertaining spaces include a mahogany-paneled billiard room with inlaid stone floors and built-in wet bar, an adjoining, carpeted "club room" with another fireplace,  and a bookcase-lined library with—you got it—yet another fireplace.

The colossal and expensively equipped eat-in kitchen has an undulating, barrel-vaulted brick ceiling, all the top-grade appliances money can buy, both butler's and storage pantries and a walk-in fridge/cooler. The nearby family room contains—yep—a fireplace, built-in bookshelves and a trio of towering arched French doors that connect to a second outdoor living loggia that overlooks the swimming pool complex.

Upstairs five family/guest bedrooms each have access to a private bathroom and share a separate playroom/den. The house-sized master suite has a column-encircled entry vestibule and a behemoth bed chamber defined by a rather monolithic wood fretwork panel. The suite opens privately to a deep covered terrace with fireplace and ocean view. The suite is complete with an adjoining meditation lounge, a pair of "wardrobe rooms" and a titanic bathroom with his and her areas plus a free-standing, egg-shaped soaking tub set on an inlaid, free-form bed of stone in the center of the room.

The luxury appointments and accouterments extend down into the extensive finished basement area where, according to listing information, there are staff quarters, a wine room, a game room, a fitness room, and a professional-style spa with hydrotherapy tub, massage area, shower space and steam room.

In addition to the sumptuous main house, the double-gated, resort-like seaside estate contains several motor courts and parking areas, an underground 8-bay garage, fairway-like lawns, stone pathways that meander through lush tropical gardens, several shaded porches and loggias for escaping the relentless south Florida sunshine, a slightly sunken sport court with viewing platform and a separate guest house that overlooks the saltwater swimming pool and semi-circular spa. A monumentally-scaled, stone-columned poolside cabana is outfitted with a colossal carved stone fireplace, pool bath and summer kitchen.

In addition to his dee-luxe new digs in Delray Beach, Mister James still owns, according to our resources, two homes in the, like, oh-muh-gawd, ur-suburban Los Angeles community of Encino (CA), both of which he bought before he was married. In May 2002 he dropped $1,450,000 on a 5,386 square foot mock-Med mini-mansion in an itty-bitty gated enclave just a couple blocks north of Ventura Boulevard and in August the following year he forked over $3,200,000 for a far more substantial 10,042 square foot mock-Med mansion with 7 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms tucked privately up a shared drive and behind gates in the foothills a few blocks south of Ventura Boulevard. Your Mama does not know an oscillating fan from a palm tree so we really can't say what plans Mister and Missus James have for their west coast abodes but as of this morning, based on our brief and unscientific research, neither home appears to be on the open market.

listing photos: via Zillow

74 comments:

Anonymous said...

$18.5 Mill to live in fucking Delray???? I hope he plans on keeping that house for at least 15 years, he'll never make his money back, WAAY OVERPAID. Seriously, who the fuck spends that much in Delray?? Is Delray the new redneck riviera? He should have went to Panama City, that fat fuck.

Anonymous said...

Not a bad house. I wouldn't want it due to its size.

Anyhoo...if he is not going to live there at least half the year, it's a waste of money IMHO.

Why can't entertainers buy these types of properties during their later years to enjoy since at that time they will work less. No one really wants to live in a nursing home. Oh well...

l'il gay boy said...

"No one really wants to live in a nursing home."

The dying do...need I say more?

Anonymous said...

Actually "butterbean" Delray Beach is not out of the way but perfectly located 45 min. to Palm Beach and 45 min. to Miami. It was recently awarded "Best of the Road - Most Fun Small Town in America" by Rand McNally & USA Today.
The beaches are absolutely gorgeous and to the commenter who gasped at spending 18.5 mil. in that part of Delray that is not uncommon. One house just finishing up construction is listed at 36 Mil. down the road. Its nice to not see another house from Cali and New York on here!

commentator8 said...

Well that gym is never getting used.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mama, Terry Semel's Malibu pad finally officially sold to Larry Ellison for $37 million, just like you said it would! I should never have doubted my Mama!

Anonymous said...

Why not 37M? Rediculous

Anonymous said...

The hairpiece room must be gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, I had no idea that Kevin James was balling like that. Did not think he was the kind of guy that lived in ostentatious homes like these either.

Anonymous said...

I would never see one of his movies before and I definitely won't now. He is completely undeserving of this much compensation for his stupid movies. They fucking suck just like he does. Fuck Delray. Fuck it! And yeah, no way his fat ass is ever gonna be using that gym, he'll probably convert it into meat storage for his fat fucking ass. FAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Are the meticulously customized furnishings usually included with the purchase of these mega-millions priced homes?

The filthy profanity laced comments on here lately are totally inappropriate and unwelcome.

Whatever said...

Wow! Kevin James is rich! Who knew those "King of Queens" checks would be worth so much? I guess someone knows how to invest their money properly. Good for him. What a refreshing change from all of the bad economic news on tv.

I like the house but I think it is way too much unless you have a big family or plan to start one.

Love the master bathroom and its porch with fireplace overlooking the ocean. I could see myself with a nice drink with the fire blazing enjoying some quiet time while thanking God I was financially secure enough to afford this luxury.

Anon 11:21pm... whatever flew up your butt needs to fly back out via fart or whatever because your b.s. is stinkin' up the blog.

Jim in Tampa said...

Anonymous 1:58 is correct. Delray is great place and the price seems right for the location/size. It doesn't have the snob appeal of Boca Raton which is right next door but it's still the same view of the darn Atlantic. It's also easy to get to LA/NY from KPBI, KFLL and KMIA if they fly commercial. FWIW . . . I think it's a nice house too.

Anonymous said...

I went to his bio on Wikipedia to try to find what kind of painful deprivation early in life would lead one to need a house like this. To no avail. He did, however, fail to graduate from college. Maybe this monstrous pile is somehow related to that.

Anonymous said...

Who does he think he is? This price tag is very a list. The ONLY bunch you read of who buy homes in this price range. Who know someone on the c list could be so rich?

Anonymous said...

i like the style of the house; its well done. however far too much house for that size of land.

i like the open lot 2 doors down on that 'court' street so that the ocean side of the property truly becomes the 'back yard'.

i would build something far smaller and have amazing gardens and court yards etc like the Old timey palm beach , miami villas

Anonymous said...

Wow..seriously what us with the profanity and the aggression ..??
It's a blog about recognized individuals ie tv/film , politics, etc. and their real estate comings and goings

My suggestion if your going to get SO worked up and out spoken is to first become very aware of the American economic situation ..why it's there, who put it there and what's being done about it.
And then with that LOUD voice you seem so intent on everyone hearing, volunteer to help reelect the party that has always been the one to pick up the pieces.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 9:16

I'm thinking you missed the part about this home actually being built over two lots and not the standard one.
If you review the exterior image the home is built over the one and the balance is left for yard and outdoor space

Anonymous said...

@2:02 PM... Shut the fuck up. Cunt.

Jacquie said...
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Paige said...

I must say, it's one the better decorated mega-mansions -- no Trump-style gold-plated statues or Candy Spelling 80's blue and mauve.

Anonymous said...

@2:31 PM... You should shut the fuck up too. Dick.

Anonymous said...

Folks we have a major Troll and it is stuck in a baby-tantrum-rage-spiral.

TROLL going to rage spiral itself into ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

Please do not feed the Troll beyond pointing out the Troll is Trolling.

you have my permission to paste the following notice to Troll :)

Fun Fact:
the body's Steroid Metabolic Pathway uses cholesterol as the main ingredient for making
-testosterone and DHT, estrogens and progesterone
EG) the ANABOLIC steroids

the same pathway also uses cholesterol to make Cortisol = THE Catabolic fight/flight steroid.

which means Trolls and baby temper tantrum rage spirals
DECREASES the health giving SEX HORMONES

and increases CORTISOL
which tears down brain cells,
body cells,
and ERECTILE TISSUES :)
and REwires the CNS into fight/flight/freeze mode.

further sending TROLLS into rage-spirals.

TROLL going to rage spiral itself into ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
and Diabetes Type 2, Heart disease, aneurysms, strokes, cataracts, glaucoma, blood pressure problems and setting immune system up for major infections, cancers or autoimmune diseases.

not to mention how massively the stress hormones eff up Troll's brain.

watch Troll rage-spiral itself into
Erectile dysfunction and a widow-maker heart attack :)

Anonymous said...

old hag bulldog looking candy spelling take note. this is how you decorate and furnish tacky oversized home.

Anonymous said...

rage Troll rage. its SO good for your erectile tissues and SO good at decreasing the levels of ALL your sex hormones.
rage troll rage. its SO good for killing the big O. rage troll rage.

Anonymous said...

I.P. ban idiots that can't behave and move on.

Carla In Calfornia said...

Anon 5:44pm... informative info on hormones and their effects on the human body. It does explain the behavior of one of my former bosses.

Love this blog, Mama.

In the words of the great late John Wayne,"Don't let the bastards get you down"

Keep up the good work.

And I so appreciate those of you who have serious intelligent feedback on decor, history and information on these properties and their archtiects and interior designers. Thank you. :)

Anonymous said...

Mama you went from making it a bit too difficult to comment to making it too easy and vulgar people have taken advantage of that. I know it is a drag to have to police the comments, but you need to simply remove those that are not up to standard. It is YOUR blog and you have the right to do that. Please do.

Anonymous said...

I would never live in Florida. Everyone there seems to have a pet boa or python. Crazy mofos.

Anonymous said...

What are some of these posts about ? Mama, you have complete permission to remove them. We loyal readers who enjoy your posts and enjoy the other thoughtful commentators posts wouldn't mind at all.

Anonymous said...

@7:54 AM: As if you need to tell Mama what she can and cannot do with her own blog... Shut up.

M said...

Wow!

I pass by this house every day.

Not only is there NO tunnel (up futher on the island, there are, in fact, houses that do have tunnels under the road to their PRIVATE beach), but this is a public, heavily-used beach right across the street.

Not secluded at all.

There is *metered* parking on the beach side in front of the house all the way south for a mile or so.

The sidewalk (on both sides) is a regular walk the dog, baby, exercise run.

I'm really surprised that a celebrity would buy in such an exposed place - there are many large estates around that more secluded.

It is new construction, and was been on the market for years.

M said...

So much for attempts at editing for spelling and grammar. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

The interior looks like Restoration Hardware to me. It's tasteful enough but a bit predictable.

I don't understand the appeal of Delray. He paid a lot for this but it would cost even more in many other places.

Some of the readers don't get it- there is no income tax in FL.! That is why people go to FL!

Anonymous said...

ms de la cruz has done well for herself, she used to live with the late chris penn.

Anonymous said...

Mama you really need to clean up the comments before they drive nice ladies like me away. Tip toeing through them is like trying to walk down the street avoiding the doggie poo in some town where doggies are permitted to poo.

Anonymous said...

Kevin James is worth $80m. With money continuing to flow in. This kind of purchase isn't a surprise as a result. I say thesis actually a decent house for such a large manse. I rarely like mega manses but think this is overall livable. Also, I think a lot of house for the money even in DelRay. Look at active listings. None if this price range are this size and as we'll done. That said. I wouldn't buy it. But if you wanted to be there. Seems like a decent house

Anonymous said...

Stunning new mcmansion in a middle middle to upper middle class community on a upper upper best in hood street piece of land. He must like being the big fish in the small pondville of DR.

Don't love The hood but have to say the house is tasteful especially for new construction.

elspeth said...

Yaaah, Wee gods. Mama, i haven't been here in a while, but some other posters seem to have appeared.

YOUR blog; YOUR choice. I know how to 'scroll.'.

Best regards,
one of your little butter beans

Celebrity iPhone Cases said...

Some of these celebrity houses are HUGE! I guess that's what you get when you make a million in a week. I heard Cameron Diaz gets 1 million per day when she's on set. Thanks for your post!

Calgary Realtor said...

Few things - some that have already been said 1) Great decorating....didn't expect that from KJ 2) Didn't know he had done this well 3) Gym looks like it hasn't been touched :)

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Anonymous said...

You are a fuckn moron

Cameron Robertson said...

The concept of this house is something new that I've seen around. It somewhat looks like a gothic theme with the dark tones and gaudy furniture. However, looking at the other floors, then I can see it is actually a resort concept that combines rustic with nature. I really like the kitchen where there is an abundance of space in the storage cabinets which cover two sides of the walls. If I have a luxury of space, I would build that too. For now, my kitchen only has one side of cabinets.

Cameron Robertson said...

The concept of this house is something new that I've seen around. It somewhat looks like a gothic theme with the dark tones and gaudy furniture. However, looking at the other floors, then I can see it is actually a resort concept that combines rustic with nature. I really like the kitchen where there is an abundance of space in the storage cabinets which cover two sides of the walls. If I have a luxury of space, I would build that too. For now, my kitchen only has one side of cabinets.